Have you ever had the feeling, where something so bad happened to you, you know it. But it just has not hit you yet because you can't except the fact. I know very well, I have not accepted the fact that she is gone. Until the next family meeting and I realize she is not there. It will hit me then. How will I prepare for it? Will it have worn off by then? I've cried the first day. But not at the funeral, now I know why.

3 days of grief, regret and thoughts. Here's the shitty part. We can't re-do anything. ANYTHING! I hate the feeling of guilt. I never REALLY knew her. But still proud of myself for taking the time to talk to her and everything. Giving her my song sheets and pretending that we knew the words so she won't feel bad. Those were the only memories. How can one not feel bad about all this?

What hurts me most is to see everyone around me cry. Especially Nicho. He was close to her. She was a mom to him. I understand exactly why he can't let go. I mean.. Even I can't. What am I to do when I finally see the fact that... That was the last time I ever take a look at her face.

This post was only for you. Kamalam Joseph. My beloved aunt who is now in the hands of the Lord. I love you, we love you. Always will. :) Never in my life will I forget you and your sacrifices. The loving and caring aunt. Who is now at peace with everything and back with the Creator. Thank you for everything.

-Not Accepted it-
...Grateful...